What If Christmas Is Not So Merry?

“It’s the most wonderful time of the year” and for many people it may be true.  However, for many others Christmas time and all the holidays that surround it are not so merry. In fact they can cause anxiety, loneliness, depression, or an increase in stress, leaving a person actually miserable. 

Everywhere you look Christmas is on display.  Commercials advertising Christmas sales. Everyone trying to get meals prepared. Christmas music playing on the radio.  It can all be a bit overwhelming, especially if Christmas is not the most wonderful time of the year for someone. 

Holidays can bring increased amounts of stress due to the demands that may come with it.  From cooking meals, baking, or shopping for those perfect gifts, to cleaning, entertaining, and seeing people you may not want to see, the stress is on the rise. And this is just naming a few of the season’s demands that can increase anxiety or even lead to depression.  

This time of year, we see families together laughing, eating, opening gifts, and having a great time.  There are some that don’t have families.  Maybe this time of year is marred by loss.  In addition, consider how the coronavirus and the variants may make some people feel even additional stress and worry.  

For some the religious aspect of Christmas causes an increase in anxiety because of the amount of commercialization surrounding the season.

So, for some this isn’t the most wonderful time of the year; it may even be dreaded.  If you are feeling holiday fatigue, here are some tools that may help.  Stress and depression can ruin holidays and hurt your health.  Being realistic, planning, and seeking support, if needed, can help.

First and foremost:

• Seek professional help if you need it.

Despite your best efforts, you may still feel persistently sad, anxious, and out of control.  Acknowledge your feelings.  If someone close to you has died or you can’t be with the ones you love, realize that it is normal to be upset, sad, angry, or any other emotions you may have.  You can’t wave a magic wand and make yourself happy just because it’s the holiday season.  Physical signs such as insomnia, irritability, hopelessness, an  inability to face daily chores or be present in the moment, as well as other complaints,  may be a signal to talk with your physician or mental health professional.

Other tools that may help with holiday stress and depression:

Plan ahead as much as possible. Try to set aside days for shopping, baking, visiting or having visitors, and other activities. Consider shopping online and having items shipped to your house to save time.  Plan meals ahead so that you can stick to a shopping list and prevent the last-minute scrambling for items you have forgotten. 

It is ok to say NO and mean it.   One of the hardest things is to say no.  Saying yes, when you want to say no, can leave you feeling resentful, angry, and overwhelmed.  Your friends and colleagues will understand if you can’t participate in everything.  However, if is it not possible to say no when your supervisor asks you to work extra and take on another project, try to remove something else from your schedule to accommodate. 

Plan a budget and stick to it. This may be very hard to do, but overspending at the holidays causes a great deal of stress that can follow you into the new year.  Before you begin shopping for gifts, meals, activities, and other holiday purchases decide how much money you can afford to spend and stick to it.  Don’t try to buy happiness with an avalanche of gifts and throwing expensive parties.  Try starting a family or friend gift exchange.  Try making homemade gifts. 

Don’t forget about taking care of your body.  Overindulgence at the holidays is common.  Too much to eat, too much to drink, and too many parties can become a free for all.  Overindulgence can add to stress and depression.  Gaining weight is a common theme and once weight is put on, as we all know, it’s hard to get off.  Try eating a healthy snack before big meals so that you don’t go overboard with the heavy-laden carbs and alcoholic and/or sweetened drinks.  Get plenty of rest.  Include your regular daily routine and maybe even add some increased activity.  Activity can help burn extra calories as well as help us feel better. 

Take time for yourself.  Spend time with you, without distractions.  It may help you refresh and be able to cope with everything else you need to accomplish.  Whatever you can do to reduce stress by clearing your mind, do it.

Be aware of your tolerance from the information culture.   Facebook, news media, twitter, or any other social site can cause unneeded stress and anxiety. You may see friends and family on social media and feel envious because it appears as though they are “having a great time” or “they seem to be able to do it all.” Remember social media doesn’t give an accurate picture of what goes on behind the scenes.   Adjust the time spent on “catching up on the news” and social media as you see fit.  

Be kind. The holidays mean you may be around people that you would not care to be around on any other day.  Try to accept family members and friends as they are, even if they may not live up to your set of expectations.  Don’t engage in conversations that may cause anxiety.  As my parents always said “don’t talk about politics or religion at family gatherings” it can lead to some heated debates, hurt feelings, as well as an increase in stress and anxiety.  If others are distressed or something goes awry, be kind.  Chances are they are just as stressed about this time of year as you. 

Using some of these tools or asking for some help can keep the holidays from becoming a dreaded time of year.  It may never be like it was last year, or years ago, but enjoy what this year can bring.  Learn to recognize triggers that can cause you an increase in anxiety, such as overspending, and take control. 

With a little planning, positive thinking, and maybe asking for some help you can find peace and joy during the holidays.