The Year of No Resolutions

We are entering a new year. As I get older the years seem to fly by faster and faster. Those of you who know me, know I don’t believe in New Year’s resolutions. To me these seem fleeting. It never seems to be a lasting change.

The New Year does bring a time of reflection for me. It makes me think of all the good things and the not-so-good. My job at the HCQU is a big part of who I am. I am sure for many of our readers you can claim the same about your job. Most of us joined this field with the desire to support people with intellectual disabilities and autism to achieve the life they want and to be successful in doing it.

This time of year leads me to think about: what are we doing well? what do we need to do better? and what do we need to do that we currently are not addressing? When I look at the people we support, I have seen many successes over the years but I also see many wants and desires that might not be being addressed.

Reality tells us that not everything we want in life occurs and this is the same for those we support. But the simple things in life often get overlooked. A true friendship. Not those forged with a staff member who may very well have been with the person for years but a friendship in the true context. A friend who listens, understands, loves you, fights with you, and laughs with you. Isolation and a lack of connection with true friends greatly impacts so many people in our system. When we don’t have those connections, the need does not go away. People will continue to try to get that need met but many times it will occur in unfortunate ways. People often put themselves at high risk for victimization because they are so desperate for a connection with someone…anyone. Sometimes connections are made with people who abuse and traumatize the person.

How do we facilitate healthy fulfilling connections? I find my connections have a lot to do with who I am. I have connections with people who are animals lovers. I have connections with people who love to eat. I have connections with people who have great, sarcastic wit. I have connections with people who put others first. I have connections with people who love true crime. The fact of the matter is I am rich in connections for a variety of reasons. As I have aged, I have learned not everyone deserves my connection. We learn that piece of discernment through experience and self-worth.  Both of these are often lacking in the people we support. Help people connect with people who have similar interests and desires. We need to think of ways to build people up. Instead of always looking at what the person needs to improve on, focus on what that person is good at. There are so many people in our system with amazing talents. We need to recognize them and support them to grow. Give real choices, not just those we feel the person should have.

So in this journey we call life, remember to slow down. Remember to help those in your support to grasp at the moon. We all need connections in life; sometimes those can come in many out-of-the-box avenues. Continue to explore. Help the person you support to discover who they are and what gives them joy.