When the “Most Wonderful Time of the Year” Isn’t So Wonderful

Photo of A young beautiful woman looking unhappy, holding her head with holiday and Christmas decorations in her surroundings.

We have all heard the song It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year, as well as the song We wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. But not everyone is happy. For some it isn’t the most wonderful time of the year. What if the holiday season is not the most wonderful time of the year for you? Maybe you are struggling with a loss of a loved one. Maybe you are struggling with loneliness. Maybe you’re struggling financially and not able to purchase gifts this year. Maybe being around family during the holidays will trigger an addiction or eating disorder. Many people cringe when they think of the holiday season. Personally, I find the holidays to have unrealistic expectations that can make me feel sad and overwhelmed, sucking the joy out of me. For some people the time change with less daylight and more night can really cause some emotional issues.

Can anything help? Can people who don’t enjoy the hustle and bustle get through the season without an increase in anxiety and sadness? Let’s go through some tips and tools that may help.

Set realistic goals and stick to them. High hopes for the holiday season can cause stress and anxiety. Sometimes I feel as though I am being torn into many pieces as I try to make everyone happy and meet their expectations. One thing to remember is that life brings change and families grow. This means that traditions and family rituals often change, and that’s ok. Consider what your absolute favorite traditions are and make a decision together to keep those. At the same time, keep an open mind to shake things up, do things differently, and make new traditions.
Learn to say “No”. One problem that I have is that I tend to say “yes” when I should say “no”. That leaves me feeling overwhelmed and resentful. Talk to your friends and family; they should understand if you can’t be present for every party, project, or activity. It is okay to say “no.” It doesn’t make you a bad person. Say “no” when you need too.
Create a holiday budget and stay with it. Nothing causes me more anxiety as spending a lot of money during the holidays. Happiness can’t be purchased with a mountain of gifts. This year my family has decided to have a gift exchange for all the adults, cutting my budget in half. This strategy really helps. Drawing names instead of needing to cover everyone can really ease stress levels and the wallet.
Plan ahead. Set aside days for things you want to accomplish. Make a day for baking. Mark another day for wrapping gifts or decorating. If you plan for what meals you want to share together and who is bringing what dish, you will not feel as overwhelmed when it is time to sit down and enjoy.
Keep up with your healthy habits and routines. Be careful when choosing what you will eat and drink. Try not to lose all self-control. Too much of anything is never a good thing. You don’t want to add more guilt and stress to your plate. Keep your healthy habits such as walking or exercising. If you have a set number of calories you eat a day, stick with that.
Set aside differences. Not everyone sees the world as you do. Some people and family members won’t live up to your expectations, and that’s ok. The holidays are probably not the best time to highlight issues. Try to let it go until you can find a safe and appropriate opportunity to address. Keep in mind others may feel as stressed and overwhelmed as you. Practice patience and grace when others get upset when they feel something has not met their standards. Perspective is everything and pausing to consider what it is like in somebody else’s shoes can really help.
Acknowledge what you are feeling. I can vividly remember one holiday season when my life was turned upside down. It felt like torture just to get through the day, let alone the holiday season. I had to be honest with myself that things were different, and they would always be for me. What I wish I had known then was: it is ok to cry and feel sad. It’s ok to express feelings. You can’t pressure and force happiness just because is it supposed to be “The Most Wonderful Time of the Year”. Allow yourself to be sad or anxious if you need to be.
Seek professional help if you need it. If you have put your best effort forward and you find yourself persistently sad or anxious, consider getting help. If you are plagued by physical complaints that have become your normal, such as not being able to sleep, being irritable, feeling hopeless, or just unable to face the day, you may want to seek a professional. Talk candidly with your doctor, counselor, or therapist.

Don’t let the holidays become something you dread. Instead, take steps to prevent the stress and depression that can descend during the holidays. Learn to recognize your holiday triggers, such as financial pressures or personal demands, so you can combat them before they lead to a meltdown. With a little planning and some positive thinking, you can find peace and joy during the holidays. (1)

By Mayo Clinic Staff

So as you face the music, “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” and all, remember these tips. These strategies can be your map to navigate through this challenging time of year. Remember you are not alone; many people wrestle with not-so-merry seasons and there are professionals who can help.