Connect Over a Cup of Coffee – Expand Your Community

On a beautiful Virginia day, Deputy Shannon of the Stafford County Sheriff Department was in Wawa waiting to pay for his items. He noticed a group of people he had met before were outside gassing up their van to go on a trip to the zoo. Deputy Shannon also noticed that one of the individuals was starting to walk away from the group and the van.

The person’s supporters were trying to get him to return to the van so they could leave. However, this person seemed to be feeling upset, was not responding to his supporters, and continued to walk away. Deputy Shannon knew the individual so he put his items down, left the store, and walked up to say hello and to ask if he needed any help. When Deputy Shannon approached, he was greeted with a big smile and a joyful hello. The Deputy was able to have a conversation with the person and determine why he felt upset in the moment. They walked back to the van together and the individual left for his trip.

The Deputy noted that knowing the individual personally made the difference between a positive interaction vs. potentially escalating the person, or making the situation worse, even unsafe. A positive relationship laid the groundwork and made all the difference. Deputy Shannon made this past connection during an event, Coffee with a Cop, at the person’s day program.

Coffee with a Cop is an event to help the community and the police bridge gaps in communication to build positive relationships. At the events people can ask questions, voice concerns, and get to know the officers over a cup of coffee. The movement has expanded and has gained momentum. Events are now held in all 50 states.

In Stafford County, Coffee with a Cop is held at Heritage House, a day program for individuals with disabilities. Officers go and enjoy lunch with the folks, get to know people, and build meaningful relationships. Deputy Shannon, with Stafford Sheriff’s Department stated that they also teamed up with local businesses and coffee shops in the area to provide other spaces to hold the event. Coffee With a Cop occurs once a month. By building relationships, the officers are building trust with their community and specifically with people with disabilities. This is the most important goal of the event.

For some of the individuals we support, meaningful connection with others is something that they are missing and are searching for in their lives. According to the Research and Training Center on Disabilities in Rural Communities, people with disabilities are twice as likely to experience loneliness than someone without a disability. Some factors that can contribute to a person with a disability experiencing loneliness are:

• Communication challenges
• Lack of transportation to meaningful activities
• Lack of meaningful employment
• Lack of resources available to meet peers and people with similar interests
• Barriers in access to community, such as lack of handicap assessable locations to meet
• Inability to live independently
• Chronic health issues
• Limited time in the community

Loneliness can lead to many negative things in a person’s life, whether they have a disability or not. It can cause someone to truly believe that they deserve that lifestyle and that there is no way out of it. Loneliness can cause people to have lower self-esteem, which can lead to unhealthy choices in their lives.

For example, they might choose unhealthy relationships, accepting the way people treat them as OK, even if it is unsafe. Having low self-esteem can make someone feel hopeless and worthless. It can cause them to spiral into anxiety, depression, and lack of motivation or can make them not care about themselves. This can also cause some of the individuals that we support to lash out in anger or frustration, and we may see an increase in unsafe behaviors. Loneliness is powerful and it can change the way a person lives their life.

Loneliness can also have a negative effect on a person’s physical health. Loneliness can increase a person’s risk of:

• High blood pressure
• Heart disease
• Decrease in immune system function
• Decreased mobility

If you see a person’s health declining due to loneliness, always seek help from the doctor.

People who experience loneliness may also have a very hard time talking about and expressing how it makes them feel. People may have a hard time believing that they are not deserving of loneliness, so they may not see any way out of it. If you ask them how they might find connection or support, they may say “I don’t know” and they might truly mean that. As supporters, it can change a persons’ life when we try to help them find meaningful hobbies, relationships, and social engagement to enrich their lives.

Coffee With a Cop is an example of the community reaching out and forming meaningful relationships with individuals who have disabilities. These events help people with disabilities lessen loneliness and expand social circles. When the police have had to respond to calls in group home settings or involving a person with a disability, it was extremely helpful to already have a positive relationship with the individual while working through a crisis or situation. The Deputy stated that he felt as though it showed people that the officers and the community truly care and want to help.

Loneliness is powerful, and so is building connections with people. The people we have the pleasure of supporting deserve the best life possible. This includes building meaningful relationships. Let’s give people we support as many resources and opportunities as possible to build connections. This can help to combat the possibility of experiencing loneliness. No one should be alone in the community if they don’t want to be. Coffee with a Cop is one small way we can help make the community a little smaller. Help people with disabilities feel a little less alone with one cup of coffee at a time.

To learn more about Coffee with a Cop or get details about starting an event in your community, visit: https://coffeewithacop.com/about

Don’t forget about our engaging activities for the people with IDD:

• Milestone HCQU West Walking Clubs meet every other week. People from the community walk around a local mall. It means not only getting great exercise, but also meeting others to socialize and build relationships.
• Next Chapter Book Clubs meet every other week via Zoom. If you like reading, you can meet others with similar interests and foster friendship.

Contact HCQU at 724-283-0990 or hcquinfo@milestonepa.org.