Breaking Free from Loneliness: How Can We Help Our Self-Advocates Navigate and Foster Healthy Relationships and Connection

February is the month of love. It makes you think about the relationships in your life and what they mean to you. Relationships are something that all humans hope for in some capacity.

According to author and researcher, Brene Brown, “we are hardwired to connect with others, it’s what gives us purpose and meaning to our lives, and without it, there is suffering.” The individuals who we have the pleasure of supporting are no different. Finding meaningful relationships could change how a person views life, how they cope through difficult times, and can improve their mental health. Loneliness is something that people experience too often. According to a study by Brown University School of Public Health, nearly 1/3 of individuals with disabilities between the ages of 18-24 experience persistent feelings of loneliness.

Shawn McGill, founder and CEO of Shawn McGill Consulting, has worked with self-advocates to provide them with vital information about healthy relationships and sexuality, to help them develop and nurture healthy relationships in their lives. Shawn stated that loneliness is the “the real monster”. He asks important questions like:

• Are we providing individuals with opportunities for connection?
• Do we have honest conversations with self-advocates about their feelings of loneliness?
• Are we being respectfully honest with them about how to find their way out of the feelings of isolation?

As supporters, we need to remember that self-advocates deserve the same natural, meaningful relationships. They need real relationships, not just the person paid to be there. It is part of being human, the need to feel connection and support from other people.

Cause of Loneliness

Individuals with disabilities may experience loneliness, isolation, and lack of relationships for multiple reasons. A few reasons can be:

• Communication struggles
• People feel like they are “protecting” them
• Social anxiety
• People feel as though the person cannot understand or participate in relationships
• Self-advocates not fully understanding what a healthy relationship looks like, so they may cycle through many unhealthy ones
• Lack of engaging social interaction
• Not knowing how to find social opportunities and groups

What Is a Healthy Relationship?

As supporters, it is important that we validate self-advocates want meaningful relationships in their lives, no matter how that might look from one person to another. For example, some individuals may only be interested in looking for friendships, while others might want to get married in the future.

Some of the individuals whom we support may not know what healthy relationships look like due to experiencing neglect, trauma, or isolation throughout their lives. Some individuals may also struggle with social cues, interactions, and understanding other people’s behavior. Further, if a person only knows unhealthy relationships, it can be hard for them to find healthy ones. To build connection, and break free from loneliness, it is important that the relationships that are formed are healthy ones. Some tips that we can give self-advocates to mark a relationship as healthy are:

• The other person treats you with respect.
• They can communicate with the other person freely.
• Their boundaries are always respected. No means no.
• They can change their mind about a decision, and have it respected.
• The relationship is a 2-way street, both people are putting in effort.
• The other person does not expect things such as money, gifts, rides, etc.
• You can solve conflicts respectfully.

As supporters, it is important to remember that teaching healthy relationships is not a one-time occurrence. It is important that we keep communicating about what a healthy relationship looks like and model it to them in the best way possible.

Support

Helping self-advocates navigate healthy relationships is a journey. Everyone’s needs will be different. It is important to talk to the individuals you support and see what is important to them. Find out what their relationship goals are and ask how you can be helpful. Shawn McGill emphasized the importance of having honest and open conversations with self-advocates about how loneliness affects them and how we can help support. He stated that if we ignore the issue, it will not simply get better and go away. Some ways that you can offer support are:

• Help the person find meaningful social activities to help meet other people.
• Help to provide information and education about healthy relationships.
• Remind individuals that they are always worthy of healthy relationships.
• Remind individuals that their desire for meaningful relationships is valid and important.
• Communicate respectfully with your self-advocates about relationships, answer questions honestly, and be there for them if a relationship doesn’t work out.

Educational Opportunities

The HCQU offers healthy relationship classes, as well as Internet Safety classes that could be beneficial when learning how to build healthy relationships. Class options are listed on the HCQU website here https://milestonepa.org/health-care-quality-units/hcqu-west.

Shawn McGill Consulting also offers valuable relationship educational opportunities on https://www.shawnmcgillmsw.com.

Social Opportunities

There are many opportunities within communities to find social activities and groups to help individuals make connections and meet new people. Some ideas could include:

Local YMCA’s host social groups for all ages that include hobby groups, exercise groups, and aquatics. Find how you can participate at https://www.ymca.org/get-involved/participate. Or check out some of these local YMCA websites:

• Armstrong County: https://rgsymca.org
• Beaver County: https://beavercountyymca.org
• Butler County: https://bcfymca.org
• Clarion County: https://clarioncountyymca.org
• Crawford County: https://www.meadvilleymca.org
• Indiana County: https://icymca.org
• Lawrence County: https://lawcoymca.org
• Mercer County: https://www.grovecityymca.org
• Venango County: https://www.oilcityymca.org

Local libraries will hold hobby and social events throughout the month that self-advocates might find interesting. You can also research volunteer opportunities at food pantries and animal shelters. This could not only help them meet new people but also provide engaging ways to give back.

The HCQU currently offers two walking clubs. The walking group offered in Butler county meets every other Monday at 10 a.m. To register and get more details, contact Jenifer Baker at 412-926-6106 or jbaker@MilestonePA.org. The walking group in Mercer county meets every Tuesday at 10 a.m. To register and get more details, call our office at 724-283-0990 or jcress@MilestonePA.org. Participants add mild exercise to their day and also connect with other people.

It is important that you check in with the people you support to see what they would find interesting and fulfilling. People do not view social interactions in the same way, so it is important that we respect the person’s comfort level and not assume we know what is best for them.

Conclusion

Loneliness and isolation for self-advocates should not be the norm. We cannot make those feelings go away. However, we can do our best to provide opportunities, information, education, and support to help people find their way out of loneliness. Connection matters; relationships are important, and making sure a person’s life is fulfilling should always be our goal.